My relationship with solitude!

Solitude...even the thought of it runs a strange energizing sensation all over my body. The feeling you get with a thought of vacations in a monotonous mechanical life...i feel the same way when someone offers me solitude! I have been labeled and taunted thousands of times by my parents, relatives, friends because of my strong relationship with solitude...but I could never really "grow out of it". Because as much as it gives me pleasure...it is a kind of a need to me. A time alone...a time to organize my thoughts, time to sort my life, time to understand myself. A vehicle needs petrol, lubricants, water to keep the engines cool and a rest time! Like food, water, air to breathe......solitude is an essential component in my life, without which I couldn't function! From childhood, I enjoyed every bit of being alone! I never got bored of myself. A day off with a good book in my hand and cup of coffee....is what i call a perfect day! No doubt i am an introvert. And with age I have come to accept myself with my strange habit in-spite of all the things people say about me being "socially inapt". No...I don't hate humans. I love all kinds of human interaction. But cherish only a few. We all learn rules of this world after a while. I did the same. Learned to fake a lot, just like other people !And in the world where everybody wants to hear only themselves...I kind of find myself in a pretty good position because I hear myself too well inside and never really kind of needed anyone to understand (that is a misconception to some extent). But that's a power solitude give me.Power to survive...in ever deafening voices of people. Last summer I was in Gangtok. It was freezing cold there. A perfect atmosphere. My family had gone out to take a walk and I was sitting alone in the room. I had tuned in to my favorite serial Dexter. One of his inner monologue conversations were going on. His silky....dizzy voice filled my mind. I closed my eyes...and let all the magic do its work. My every cell was energized...as if some kind of mesmerizing power is flowing in my body...I surrendered myself completely to that moment...and let it all flow... I felt goosebumps on my body....and...knock knock knock..there they were.. my big mouth family waiting impatiently for me to open the door.... irrupting my pleasure! (I really hate them sometimes!) But i clearly remember....that moment was like a feeling an addict gets on consumption of his addiction. I miss it even more now...because its so damn difficult to get! There are people and unwanted voices, sounds surrounding me all the time! I have almost forgot what it feels like to enjoy solitude! Even as a kid i loved washing dishes, scrubbing floor not because i loved being a responsible kind (which i never was

!)...but because at that time people never interrupted me! It offered me that essential feeling of security that no one is going to dare to disrupt my train of beautiful thoughts! As I said, this is world is full of mortals who love to hear their own voices. Very few people actually are willing to listen to your heart or even care to pretend! And we always try to find things far away while the diamonds are right beneath the soil we are standing. Yes our inner voice. In all the chaos we either shut our inner voice completely or fail to hear it entirely! And no one could be blamed in this. In our super fast life, a silent minute is like asking to meet God! But then at the end of the day if we really want to keep our-self sane, we have to acquire moments of solitude...by saying no to few things in life. Because you know a relationship with yourself determines your relationship with others. And the mask of sanity that you wear everyday won't help you for too long (if you know what i mean!)