Silent Speaker

My first attempt..Rap song!!!  Today when I opened my eyes, this world was so diffrent..it wasn't mine... I got a sick feeling, the one i never felt... and that pit in my stomach drained me physically..spiritually...oh damn! what was happening? where was I? what am i doing in this unknown surrounding? Why am i feeling so souless? Oh i just don't know!... but i was breathing and was alive this much i know! People...oh sweet bloody people made my life so hell!  I tried my ass off to run from them....but round and round i stoped where i started...  Stabbed, suppressed, agitated... Oh! please leave me alone.. Can't you see I am exhausted...how long will you keep me your hostage? Can't you see my mind has frosted?  I can't even feel the pain, the wounds are numb...i have finally lost it! I want to express, shout till my throat burst, show my true self...i swear my erratic behaviour has no other motive! But you won't leave me... and worst let me b...

Solitude ...even the thought of it runs a strange energizing sensation all over my body. The feeling you get with a thought of vacations in a monotonous mechanical life...i feel the same way when someone offers me solitude! I have been labeled and taunted thousands of times by my parents, relatives, friends because of my strong relationship with solitude...but I could never really "grow out of it". Because as much as it gives me pleasure...it is a kind of a need to me. A time alone...a time to organize my thoughts, time to sort my life, time to understand myself. A vehicle needs petrol, lubricants, water to keep the engines cool and a rest time! Like food, water, air to breathe......solitude is an essential component in my life, without which I couldn't function! From childhood, I enjoyed every bit of being alone! I never got bored of myself. A day off with a good book in my hand and cup of coffee....is what i call a perfect day! No doubt i am an introvert. And with ag...

How simple it all looked when I finally decided to ditch my beloved psychology subject for Statistics for my FYBA classes. For almost two day I consoled myself that how taking up stats is so necessary, and how "ruthlessly" giving up psychology for the same would really benefit me! Even my friends were in disbelief, 'cos we had hours of discussion on our plan to graduate in psychology.It pained (I am not exaggerating!)...but I finally told my parents what I truly wanted and wrote on my admission form opt1. Economics, opt2.Political Science, opt3.Statistics...full stop. period! On the day of admission with head all high and clear...i got a biggest shock of my life! My college wasn't offering Statistics because I hadn't opted for Mathematics in my Junior college. And not just, I had to bid goodbye to even political science! My "clear" head was all on fire in a matter of a sec. With few other unfortunate soon-to-be stats lovers like me, we ran errands ...

“I knew guys like you. You’ll do any terrifying thing you’re asked to do, but you have to do it running. You think you can outrun your fears, your doubts. The only thing that scares you guys is stillness.” - Ephraim, Munich This lines are from the movie 'Munich' . Its a myth that only young and going people suffer this horrifying ripple of unsteadiness in their life. The oldie Goldie are no different. They breath every moment with a hollow feeling hanging around them reminding them of life with no specific purpose. Of course there are exceptions. But well it is supposed to be this way because we are constantly changing. Right from the moment we are conceived till our soul leaves our ever degrading body . Not just every cell in our body die to again take a new birth but even thoughts, ideas, feelings aren't constant in our lives. We are developing positively or degrading our development through our actions. But we are never still. Because stillness doesn't exist . Stagn...

I am reading a book called "Many lives, many masters" ...and my head is all about "life after death" stuff. So last night after reading a fascinating part i vented out all the highly charged up emotions in my diary. I have never thought or wrote about such a natural and inevitable phenomenon of our life... Death . So these are words from my diary. Forgive my overly informal language....it was intense and would love to share that intense pure version; have made some modifications though. So today we are going to talk about death! Its really not making me feel horrible. More of a mixed feelings i guess. I mean...who love to leave everything and everyone they have ever known and leave without knowing what's next.It should have been an exciting experience like in any other situation where we can't just predict what lies ahead.But death brings anxiety, intense fear...not curiosity or anticipation! Some people claiming to have divine connection talk about ...