Color of fear....
Now a days I look in the mirror every morning. And I could not recognize this person that I see. She looks just like me. Her face cut, her hairstyle, her unkempt eyebrows. Everything is just like me. The thing that made this girl a stranger is...her eyes. I could not make out the color, the depth...almost hollow eyes. Eyes harboring immense fear.
Coming months are going to be the turning point, the decision phase of my life. What I choose in this time to come, would hugely influence what I shall turn out to be. Degree college has ended. I shall receive degree. Leave my old happy go lucky attitude towards life and venture out. There is no time to even stop and feel the post-college emptiness. Such is the wide and captivating presence of the future to come.
I positively feel fear. I could affirmatively label this feeling as fear. Fear of what? This has no definite answer. Fear of launching out, fear of fulfilling my ambition, fear of fitting in, fear of standing firm as a adult and being all on my own, fear of moving in to a dreadful places, fear of trusting people and judging them based entirely on my own intuition, fear of not being good enough....fear of keeping faith constant....fear of always believing in me.
Some of these fears are real. They have firm footing and a logic in their own existence. Some are purely a creation of my own but has potential to become real only when i allow it to be.
Alexander the great prayed to God Phobos a night before he was to attack Darius. He prayed not to diminish his own fear, but to put fear in his enemies mind. Fear is a powerful motivator as well as dreadful tyrant. This fear that lives in my mind, i know, will grow with time. One fear will be substituted by other. But fear itself will always be constant. I know this, and I accept this.
At this point I hate it. I don't know how to overcome this. I know, I will brave it because I value my dreams and ambition more than my fears. But one thing is sure as the rock that is lived
The only thing that I do and would do is, accept this girl with strange color of fear in her eyes. And keep walking to see what surprises life hold for me.
Comments
Post a Comment